Trainspotting Guide to the Tories

by Charlie_East_West on June 9, 2015


Since the Tories won the election, I have felt angry, saddened and disheartened by the consistently bad choices that voters (predominantly in the South of England) make. I have come to the conclusion that the South of England is locked into the mindset of perpetual right-wing ideology and brainwashed by a cabal of political elite, big business and media to ensure that fear, loathing and ignorance will also prevail over hope, compassion and critical thinking. In the South of England, narrow mindedness will always prevail over progressiveness. Fear beats hope in the Shires.

Sadly, we are facing the prospect of a 15-20 year Tory reich. Scotland, if given the opportunity, needs to get the hell out of this at the quickest available opportunity. This sorry state of affairs make me feel throughly pissed off. I feel disenfranchised. A bit like Renton in Trainspotting.

It is almost 20 years since Danny Boyle released the iconic film adaptation of Irvine Welsh’s book – Trainspotting. If that doesn’t make you feel old, then nothing will. The sequel is due for release in 2016.

The most famous part of the film is when Renton (played by Ewan McGregor) delivers a world class rant about the obsurdities of life in his “Choose Life” tour de force.

As a tribute to a great film and to give myself a cathartic outlet of anger against Tories, right-wing media and stupid voters, I have decided to issue an All That’s Left Trainspotting guide to the Tories and paraphrase the Choose Life speech and rename it, “Choose Tories“.


Choose Tories. Choose fear. Choose the wrong party. Choose putting your petty little selfish needs above the greater good. Choose buying a house you cannot afford. Choose rampant materialism. Choose a current account with a bank that is corrupt. Choose ignoring environmental concerns. Choose fracking. Choose destroying public services. Choose austerity that hammers the poor and allows the super rich to asset strip the country. Choose greed over compassion. Choose Boris Johnson as your next Prime Minister. Choose Iain Duncan Smith getting a personal portrait on £10,000 of taxpayers money. Choose Michael Gove wanting to destroy the human rights act. Choose Eric Pickles spending £500,000 of your money on luxury limos and biscuits. Choose George Osborne flogging off the Royal Mail at a loss of £1billion to the taxpayer while his best man makes millions from the sale. Choose David Cameron and his big fat shiny head. Choose Grant Shapps. Choose Michael Green. Choose the destruction of the welfare state. Choose 1 million visitors to foodbanks. Choose paying £100billion of public money on Trident instead of using the money to pay for A&E for 40 years. Choose free schools that allow Toby Young to bray upon our state education system. Choose bankers bonuses. Choose blaming Labour for spending all the money, when in fact it was the banks that spent all the money. Choose doubling the national debt to £1.5 trillion since 2010. Choose the risk of Britain leaving the EU. Choose the bedroom tax. Choose the House of Lords. Choose Tory politicians claiming that they cannot be expected to live on £67,000 a year despite telling us that we should be able to live on £50 a week. Choose the ever increasing divide between rich and poor. Choose tax cuts for millionaires. Choose the abolition of tuition fees. Choose rampant privatisation. Choose an ever increasing NHS crisis. Choose the party of big business. Choose picking the same side as Katie Hopkins. Choose policies aimed at big business, the rich and the affluent elderly. Choose protecting the bad behaviour of tax evaders and avoiders that fritter away £100billion per year which, if clawed back, would pay off the deficit. Choose zero hour contracts. Choose massive local authority shortfalls. Choose a survival of the fittest mentality. Choose a political party that acts like it wants to spend every day at the Last Night of the Proms. Choose reading the Daily Mail and believing that immigrants are destroying our country. Choose an hereditary Tory peer, Lord Ponsonby, stating that “the poor must learn to go without.”

Choose destroying your own future. Choose destroying your kids future. Choose the Tories.


There. I feel better now. I am off to sprint down Princes Street.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

George_East June 9, 2015 at 11:00 am
nino June 9, 2015 at 8:26 pm

A significant number of people in the 30s were admirers of Hitler and Mussolini but later denied this. Churchill visiting Italy before the war spoke in glowing terms of Mussolini’s government. So why did fascist regimes only manifest themselves in continental Europe? Of course there is no guarantee that this will always be the case.
If only even a part of the Labour Party showed even a smidgeon of the passion expressed in your post!


John Stone June 9, 2015 at 9:56 pm

Now why didn’t they use something like this as a PPB?


Bob Andrews June 9, 2015 at 11:36 pm

Not all of us in the South are Tories. London is a red island in sea of blue.


Pete Mitchell June 19, 2015 at 6:57 pm

Excellent piece, unfortunately too many people did make that choice.
The final quote is from Tory Baron de Mauley, previously known as Rupert Ponsonby, not to be confused with Lord Ponsonby who is a Labour peer.


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