10 Great Football Chants (and 1 really, really crap one)

by Ray_North on February 27, 2015

UnknownPutting to one side, if you can, for a second, the awful racism that was inherent in the chants heard from Chelsea fans who were boorishly haranguing a young black man on a Paris metro train last week, and you will, no doubt, have noticed, just how awful the chant was.

I mean as a football chant, it was just terrible, there was no humour, no
genuine emotion, no good honest partisan banter, there wasn’t even a tune you could hum – it was just rubbish on every level.

Now don’t get me wrong, racism is as tedious as it is unacceptable – to experience it first hand is shocking and to watch it replayed in all its mindlessness as we all did when watching footage of the Chelsea fans, is like being forced to have a conversation with someone who is just too stupid to form a coherent sentence and just to vile for you to empathise with in any way.

Football, sigh, has always attracted a racist element. Those of us of a certain age, will remember the dreadful way in which the black footballers who blazed a heroic trail in the 1970s were treated by large number of fans on the terraces (sadly this wasn’t a minority, this was rife) – men like Vince Hilaire, Paul Cannoville, Laurie Cunningham and others were taunted and abused by thugs. But, whilst their efforts should always be remembered, and that trait in fans should never be forgiven, we should not forget that most football fans have changed, and these days, it is a minority who engage in this type of bullshit.

We should also remember that genuine football fans are capable of some absolutely brilliant chants. So, in my desire to re-claim the good old fashioned football chant from the racist knobheads, here’s a list of my favourite football chants, and I make no apologies for the fact that many of them were found first on the Kop at Liverpool, because, say what you like about Liverpool FC, their fans are the best the chanters in the world. You will also notice that I have excluded football songs – so no ‘Bladen Races’, ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone,’ or ‘Cock of the North.’ So, here we are:

1. Blackburn Rovers Fans – sang by Blackburn fans when they play Burnley, this chant is a good old-fashioned piece of slightly naughty partisan taunting – far too preposterous to be truly offensive. Sung to the old Ska tune – the lyrics go ‘Your mum’s your dad, your dad’s your mum, you’re interbred you Burnley scum.’

2. Liverpool Fans – sang to the tune of Blame it on the boogie, this is the first Kop song in my list and celebrates the calamitious defender Djimi Traore who had a habit of scoring own-goals, ‘Don’t blame it on Biscan, don’t blame it Finan, don’t blame it on Hamman, blame it on Traore.’ Genius.

3. Newcastle Unted Fans – after scoring against Swiss Club, Young Boys, broke into a chorus of ‘You’re not yodeling anymore, you’re not yodeling any more.’

4. Liverpool Fans – their homage to rotund 80’s schemer Sammy Lee, ‘He’s fat, he’s round, he bounces on the ground, Sammy Lee, Sammy Lee.’

5. Celtic Fans – I love this one, sung by Bhoys fans towards their wonderfully named Brazilian centre half Rafael Scheidt, who turned out to be not very good at all – ‘You’re Rafael and you know you are, you’re Rafael and you know you are.’

6. Fulham Fans/Brighton Fans – Same player, same tune, two different takes – Brighton fans loved Bobby Zamora and sang to the tune of Dean Martin’s A’more, ‘when the ball hit’s the goal, it’s not Shearer or Cole, it’s Zamora,’ Whilst the less enamoured Fulham fans had their own version with: ‘when the ball hits your head, and you’re sat in row Z, that’s Zamora.’

7. Liverpool Fans – Great chant this, sung with massive gusto when this particular Spaniard was at his best – ‘His armband says that he’s a red, Torres, Torres, You’ll Never Walk Alone, it says, Torres, Torres; we bought the lad from sunny Spain, give him the ball and he’ll score again, Fernando Torres Liverpool’s number 9.’

8. Chelsea Fans – quite a good one for Cockneys, sang to the tune of Lord of the dance, this song takes the mickey out of Chelsea captain, following the revelations about his affair with teammate Wayne Bridge’s Mrs: ‘Chelsea, wherever we may be, just keep your wife from John Terry.’

9. Scotland Fans – The Tartan Army are always good for a humorous chant – this one, sang in Rome, when they played against Italy in a world cup match, is genius: ‘we’re gonna deep fry your pizzas, deep fry your pizzas, we’re gonna deep fry your pizzas.’

10. Newcastle United fans – Back in the late 80s Newcastle signed a Brazilian striker who they thought would bring them goals, trophies and glories, sadly, he was a bit crap, but the chant from the Gallowgate was priceless, sung to the tune of the conga, ‘We’ve got Mirandinha, he’s not from Argentina, he’s from Brazil, he’s fucking bril.’

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Fionauk512 February 28, 2015 at 12:25 pm

‘Two Andy Gorams, there’s only two Andy Gorams’

Following a diagnosis of schizophrenia, superlative.

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