Sportsnight #18: Big Daddy v Giant Haystacks

by Charlie_East_West on August 28, 2013

Good evening and welcome to Sportsnight. Tonight’s action comes from Wembley Arena and features 60 stones worth of sporting flab. We feature Big Daddy v Giant Haystacks. Welcome to wrestling in the early 1980′s.

I have been picking a fight for 48 hours. I apologise to those who have been caught up in the crossfire of my words. The reason? Syria. I have been spending way too much time arguing with friends and bizarrely, people I barely know on social media, to put across my own views as to why the UK and US must not begin military intervention in Syria.

Increasingly, I am tiring of all this chatter and my own fault line of always needing to rise to the bait in a political argument. I am wasting too much time and ultimately, my opinions are insignificant and futile. So, tonight I need to let off some stream and watch a fight rather than become part of the fight.

I know. Wrestling. That will do. None of that wank on WWF or whatever it is bloody well called these days. I want to see real men fighting. I have an idea – World of Sport. Big Daddy. Giant Haystacks. Jackpot.

Back in the late 70′s and early 80′s, wrestling took place in town halls and major arenas across the UK. The air was a haze of cigarette smoke, and these venues hosted absolutely massive men who looked like they had just been released from a 30 year solid stint of prison or a perminent residency down the pub. There were a number of British wrestlers who were the antithesis of the WWF buffed up athletes of today. But, two men dominated the arena in terms of size and profile – Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks. A classic battle of good (Big Daddy) v evil (Giant Haystacks).

This era was without doubt a golden age for British professional wrestling. Wrestling was featured every Saturday afternoon on the ITV sports show World of Sport – and usually, a man who looked like he had been painting the ceiling (Dickie Davies) presented the show. Wrestling was eventually axed by the late 1980s, as ITV decided to move with the times, and distance itself from the old fashioned and somewhat unhealthy image which clung to domestic pro-wrestling, in favour of more popular and modern sports such as football – which was about to enter its cash cow era.

But, wrestling from this era holds a place in my heart. I remember having Saturday afternoon bonding sessions with my grandfather who absolutely loved his wrestling. It is my strongest memory of him. The memory of the quality of wrestling has dimmed however. So, as well as wanting to see some aggression as an outlet for my own current high levels of aggression, I want to see if the wrestling back in 1981 was any good.

Hold on…hold on a minute, this is utter shite. This is not a fight. This is ham acting. Look at these two big tubs of lard. This is two fat men pretending to fight. In fact, the most strenuous manoeuvre is when Haystacks flips out of the ring. And as for the referee’s fall – he would give Cristiano Ronaldo a run for his money in terms of play acting.

Actually, fuck the quality of fighting, this is bloody funny. Welcome to “sport” in 1981.

Fuck it. I still need a fight. Perhaps myself and Ray North can stop bickering about Syria and put on our leotards and have a wrestle to sort out our differences. In a few years time we will probably have the physique for it.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Mike Killingworth August 29, 2013 at 7:50 am

There are plenty of websites out there where the Englishman is the good guy and the Irishman the baddie… but here?

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