Could Wrestling be the saviour of the Tory Party?

by Ray_North on May 20, 2013

Unknown-2Funny enough, as Charlie East-West was considering sorting out the question of Europe by bringing back It’s A Knockout, I was considering the continued travails of the Tories and came up with a not dissimilar solution – but, rather than giant penguin suits and jokers, I’m suggesting wrestling.

Yes, the Tories could sort out their problems by two falls and a submission – you may laugh, but, when you think about the Tories are so hopelessly riven than the answer may just as well lie in a good old fashioned fight rather than the desperate attempts at fudged policies, foot-stamping moods or pleas for unity that they’ve been trying for the last two decades.

Now, I’m not going to suggest that the Tories sort it out in the old fashioned Birkenhead way, that is round the back of a pub or taxi rank, just after chucking out time, in the company of a pissed girl holding a kebab shouting ‘leave it Dave, he’s not worth it.’ No, the Tories, being the Tories will want to do it with a bit of decorum and, being the Tories, will want to make a few quid as well. So, I’m suggesting the Winter Gardens Blackpool for the first, Tory Party, Policy Wrestling Sort-Out.

And, on the undercard – to decide whether the Tories are in favour of Gay Marriage, I’m suggesting a five round bout between, Maria ‘The Do’ Millar in the bluey-pink corner and Owen ‘Swivel Eyed Loony’ Paterson in the Blue in a red-blooded manly kind of way, ‘hell yes,’ Corner.

Then, after that mouthwatering bout, we’re up to the main event – the big one, the winner takes all, in or out, finale. Two falls and a submission to decide whether the Tories are actually in favour of Europe or not.

images-5And I can think of no one better to represent the sceptics than Nigel ‘The Incredible Shrunken Man’ Lawson. Yes, in the really blue corner, wearing navy blue trunks, weighing in at a shit-load less than he used to weigh, Lord Lawson of Blaby; whilst in the not quite so blue corner, representing Europe, wearing the multi-coloured trunks and weighing in at ‘self-proclaimed intellectual heavyweight,’ Geoffrey ‘Dead Sheep’ Howe.

images-6Your referee this evening is David Cameron.

Let the slam down begin.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Charlie East-West May 20, 2013 at 3:11 pm

Eric Pickles would made a fantastic Big Daddy.


Richard Clift May 20, 2013 at 4:35 pm

Michael Fabricant or Boris Johnston for “not so giant Haystacks”


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