Prat of the Year Awards 2011

by Jackie_South on January 3, 2012

 Here at All That’s Left, we can’t yet quite run to a star-studded evening to celebrate our prestigious end of 2011 awards.  So, get yourself a glass and a packet of dry-roasted peanuts and use your imagination as we recognise the biggest prats of 2011.

As an extra prize, if the award itself isn’t enough, each of the five finalists get their own special, personalised Prat icon to keep and cherish.

The panel’s verdicts are now in.  I can’t bear the tension any longer, so ripping open that envelope, without any more ado, here are the results, in reverse order…

5. Sepp Blatter

Talking about envelopes, our first award goes to the man who has presided over the world cup descending into the morass of cash-stuffed brown envelopes for votes that it is today.  Twice awarded our villain of the week award, Blatter’s prattishness in his villainy should not be over-looked. 

He expected the world to turn a blind eye when all this corruption came to light during the election for FIFA’s president.  Well done, it’s not like anyone will notice that the bungs have led to the 2022 World Cup being held in that great footballing nation of Qatar when their national sides are frying in the desert sun.

Both candidates for the FIFA presidency were investigated by FIFA’s Ethics Committee for sleaze and whilst his challenger withdrew, he went ahead with a sham election where he was the only candidate.  So, his response to corruption in FIFA was to make its election look like something from North Korea.

And to end the year, he decides that the appropriate response to the alleged racist abuse from John Terry is for Anton Ferdinand to go up and shake his hand.

A villainous dodgy, podgy, prat.

4. Liam Fox

Not enough prattishness with a wiff of financial sleaze?  In that case, may I present to you the Right Honourable Liam Fox MP, who you may recall was Secretary of State for Defence up until October.

Perhaps it’s a bit harsh to call him a prat?  After all, all he did was bump into his best mate when he was abroad on ministerial business.  Surely, just a coincidence that his mate just happened to be on holiday in the same place?  OK, once or twice.  OK, a few times.  OK, a lot.  18 times in fact between 2009 and 2011.

But to be fair to Adam Werrity, he didn’t forget his mate when he was back in the UK.  As friends do, he occasionally popped in the office to see his mate Liam.  As friends do, he did it 40 times whilst Fox was conducting ministerial engagements over his 17 months in office.  We’ve all done that, haven’t we?  We all just turn up to our friends’ meetings don’t we?  It wasn’t like it was all the time: Fox in fact had another 30 recorded engagements in that period where Werrity wasn’t there.  40 out of 70 isn’t much, is it?

Fox was just a good mate, one who just happened to appoint Werrity to be chief exec of the think-tank The Atlantic Bridge.

The cream on the cake?  Fox’s brilliant non-apologetic apology in his resignation speech, where he regretted that “the ministerial code had been breached”.  Note, not “I breached the ministerial code” but that it had been breached by some nameless entity.  Even caught with his pants down, he couldn’t bring himself to admit he had done wrong.

Hope you aren’t too upset at only coming fourth though, Liam.  Maybe you’ve got a mate with a shoulder to cry on?

3. Herman Cain

That’s enough of the financial sleaze.  Someone who has few money troubles is Herman Cain, the Republican presidential hopeful whose campaign is ‘on hold’ following the revelations that he likes giving money away. 

Quite a lot of money in fact, to women he used to work with.  The fact that they were alleging sexual harassment was just a coincidence.  In fact, Herman didn’t even know that they were suing him. 

After all, how’s a guy meant to keep up?

And that woman Ginger White who claimed he had a 13 year affair with him, which he ended just before announcing his run for office?  Nonsense, as he himself said on TV about her, before anyone had even heard of her.  When the media did track her down, wasn’t it outrageous that she spilled the beans? 

After all, as Cain’s lawyer said,  “it appears to be an accusation of private, alleged consensual conduct between adults” and “not a proper subject of inquiry by the media or the public”.  It isn’t as if anyone can recall any presidents in the past getting into trouble for ‘private, alleged consensual conduct between adults’ is it?

Oh, and you’ve gotta love that “alleged consensual” bit.

2. Rick Perry

Ah, oh dear.  Sorry, Eddie Kaye, another American prat.  As they say in the business, “Oops”.

The Texas governor was George East’s and my hot tip for the Republican nomination.  With almost unimpeachable social and fiscal conservative credentials, with an attitude that plays well in key southern and western states, he seemed like a dream candidate. 

That just goes to show what George and I know.  But we weren’t alone: his entrance into the race was the big news in America in August.  That was until he actually had to speak. 

There were a string of mediocre to embarrassing performances, including his claim that it would be actually treasonous if Ben Bernanke, the Republican appointed chairman of the Federal Reserve, to consider a third wave of quantitative easing, and implying that Bernanke might be lynched if he came to Texas.

But the clicher was the utterly cringe-worthy moment in the Michigan televised debate where he forgot his own campaign pledge, failing to remember what government agencies he would abolish. 

“The third agency of government that I would … that I would do away with? … The education, …ah… the …ah… I, I ca’ … commerce … And let’s see… I can’t.  The third one, I can’t.  I’m sorry.”
“Oops.”

***

OK – here’s the one you’ve all been waiting for … Eddie will be pleased he’s British … by a landslide, its …

1. Nick Clegg

This won’t be a surprised to regular readers: the Deputy Prime Minister (who managed, let us recall, to negotiate himself out of having a proper ministerial portfolio in the Coalition talks) has managed to win our Prat of the Week award no less than seven times this year.

If the Lib Dems stood for anything … (no sniggering at the back, you’re making up your own jokes there) … if they stood for anything, surely it was electoral reform and Europe .  Sure they also did the green thing a bit, but that’s really what the Green Party are there for.  They did once talk about devolution, but given that this is the least devolutionary government since Thatcher that doesn’t count either (note Eric Pickles demand that any council that decides it needs to raise its council tax by inflation faces a referendum on it).

On electoral reform, Clegg managed to blow the referendum on AV by reminding everyone that he wanted it.  The one thing almost guarenteed at the time to make people vote no.  He even threw a hissy fit at Ed Miliband for not letting him publicly for AV with him.

On Europe, he first of all congratulated David Cameron on using his veto to keep our bankers happy at the European summit, despite the massive damage it would do our already poor standing in the EU.

Clegg’s seven weekly awards have been for:

  • Denying that governments could do anything about the economy.
  • Coming sixth in the Barnsley Central by-election.
  • Confiding to everyone what a sensitive cry-baby he is at the same time as helping prop up Andrew Lansley’s laughable ‘pause’.
  • Presiding over his party’s political suicide.
  • Suggesting that there should be some big give away of RBS and Lloyds shares rather than trying to pay back the public purse.
  • Congratulating himself on avoiding 1980s style unemployment despite the fact that we’ve, er, got 1980s style unemployment figures.
  • His stance on that veto: for it, against it, a sulky bunking off PMQs, being rude about the French.  And now apparently he is wanting to kiss and make up with Davey Cam over it again.

Somehow, he managed to avoid an eighth award for telling people that his dead grandfather supported the government’s NHS bill.  Still, can’t win them all.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Eddie Kaye January 4, 2012 at 5:36 pm

5 well deserving prats by anyones reckoning. Odd one out is Herman Cain, as I think we have seen the last of him. Rick Perry we will see the last of in the election latest, bad as Obama’s rating may seem I can’t see him losing the White House. Liam Fox will be back in some capacity after serving a penance on the back benches and doing half arsed work for ‘cherritty’ (as opposed to Werritty). Sepp Blatter is going nowhere.

Above and beyond all the others in the sheer pratishness scales os our Deputy PM. I predict he will smash his record this year, maybe even topping one a month, and the 2012 Prat of the Year award could be coming his way by default – what a PRAT!!!!

I forgive you for the twin-republican presence, but we do have a couple of candidates I hope to see break their ducks this year. Looking back, I cannot believe either of these ladies avoided the Prat Award this year – I of course refer to the Cameron A Lister 2010 entries Priti Patel MP and Louise Mensch MP.

To begin with the latter – as though sneeking off from the Murdoch interview to pick her kids up was not bad enough, her constant attempts to appeal to the older end of the lads mag readership is quite astounding. Oh, and who could forget her reaction to the Jonny Marbles custard pie act – rising from her chair, mouth agog like the leading lady in a dreadful Victorian melodrama – enough already!!!

To Priti Patel. Those of you who read my rant the other week over the riot sentences need no introduction to my beliefs about sentencing. Ms Patel is (shall we say) of the opposite end of the scale. Her belief in capital punishment as expressed on Question Time, included believing that any detterent effect would outweigh the risk of innocent people going to the gallows was breathtaking. Hang on, this is a British elected official advocating state murder of innocent people to deter would be murderers? This week information she requested formed the basis of a Daily Mail front page claiming that community sentences meant that an impossible number of serious violent and sexual offences occured whilst the offender (in their view) should have been banged up. This kind of blatant scaremongering is purely and simply out of touch, and outdated.

Appeal to both these ladies – pick a quiet week, do something really pratish, and get the Prat award you both deserve!!!

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