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It’s what British writer Alain de Botton termed as “status anxiety” and it stems from dissatisfaction at where we stand, or may fall, in the social and economic pecking order, or how we construct a lifestyle just to impress others. It is a futile existence where largely middle class people are constantly striving against, or to impress their contemporaries.

We have produced status anxiety on all fronts: work, family, and the rest of life – and this is particularly relevant in our taste in music.

For me, music is one of life’s great forms of individual expression. Musical taste should always be in the eye of the beholder. But, there is no accounting for taste. I have to admit that over the past 15 years or so, I have slowly morphed into a music snob, to the point that I now judge a person by their choice of music at a dinner party (another fertile ground for status anxiety influenced behaviour). I admire the person that has an eclectic mix of music and genres, and I absolutely love it when I hear a new and wonderful piece of music recommended by a friend.

I also have no problem with those brave souls who listen to meat and two veg music – you know the type – Take That, Robbie Williams (who remains my guilty pleasure), Michael Bublé and Status Quo. It is naff music, and for a person to be so openly courageous as to publicly endorse this type of music is a credit to them. It shows that they are comfortable in their own skin, and do not give a jot about what people think of them. I do draw the line with anyone liking Olly Piss-Face Murs though.

However, I do have a massive problem with those timid, status anxiety led, uncomfortable in their own skin types who like music that is simply just masquerading as pretend want-to-be alternative rock music. This type of music has infiltrated our ears at every level from music festivals like Glastonbury, to radio stations such as Absolute and even Radio 6. The baddies include Ben Howard, Goyte, Mumford & Sons, Emeli Sandé, Florence and the Machine, Lily Allen and also now sadly, Elbow, and potentially Daft Punk.

It is exactly this type of middle of the road music that status anxiety led (early middle aged) individuals will plonk on at dinner parties to pretend they know about music. I have decided to call it Jo Whiley Syndrome. Symptoms include – pretending to be youthful and cool, glamping it up at a corporate music festival by arriving in a gigantic 4×4 or helicopter, sleeping in a fucking yurt, wearing pink Hunter wellies, deck shoes, and generalised boho-chic attire, and seeking out the performances from Coldplay, Mumford & Sons, Snow Patrol and Ellie Goulding, and finishing the weekend off by going to a refreshing spa resort. The type of person who only buys two albums a year – normally some rustled up faux-folk music guff from Mumford & Sons – who, as Jake Bugg once said, “look like a bunch of posh farmers playing banjo.”

It is just a great big marketing swizz. It is people trying to show off that they are cool and individual, but unfortunately it has the opposite effect. It reminds me of those awful middle aged men in lycra (the curse of the MAMIL) who took up cycling to get fit and ‘do their bit for the environment’. Yet, they are pretending to be Bradley Wiggins whilst cycling in a King of the Mountains polka dot jersey for only 5 miles on a scenic road, after having arrived in a Chelsea tractor with the bike on top of the vehicle. It is hypocritical. It is all the gear, and no idea. It is utterly false. It is tragically ironic. It is status anxiety on two wheels. And, there are thousands of people all doing the same thing.

I am all for getting fit or listening to music, but not the low level bragging that often goes with it despite the actions of choice making the individual look like a bit of a cock. I had one such crushingly boring example of a Mamil father standing next to me at a kids sporting club recently, and without introduction, he launched himself into a story about how he was preparing for a local triathlon. I had to feign interest in his ascent towards mediocrity in lycra. If he came back conquering Everest, The South Pole, or with an Olympic medal hanging round his neck – I will be all ears. I bet the fucker is a big Mumford & Sons fan. I bet he even fancies Jo Whiley.

To try and bundle up this blog up into something coherent, rather than just a rant, I suggest that we are living in times of extremely beige behaviour. Individualism is dead. Long live the mainstream. It is the bland leading the bland. Just look at this year’s Brit Awards – it was just a corporate shindig for middle of the road, safe-as-houses bland-rock. And yes, Emeli Sandé and Mumford & Sons were the main winners.

But yes, I admit that if we all look deep within, during a long dark night of the soul – we are all probably guilty of misplaced status anxiety in some shape or form. For instance, I like The Killers. I have slept in a yurt. I am guilty as charged of hypocrisy.

But, going to a music festival to specifically see Mumford & Sons whilst drinking prosecco in a yurt? really? Jesus Pole-Vaulting Christ – has it really come to this? It is in times like these I really begin to worry about the future of the human race.

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Back_of_the_NetWell, the final goal has rippled the onion bag, the final yellow card has been flourished, the fat lady has sung and the last cliche has been opined for another season. And, it has to be said that the 2012/13 Premier League Season was not one that will stick for long in the memory, except perhaps as a season that saw the end of the Fergurson era.

Alex Fergurson has bestrode British football like a giant purple nosed hairdryer since the year I took my ‘O’ Levels, but, no more, the man who turned Manchester United from sleeping gods into the greatest football club in the land has retired. Do I thank him for his contribution. No, I bloody don’t. Do I respect his achievements – yes, of course.

But, Sir Alex is not the only one who will be missing when the lads start again in a couple of months – there will be no Roberto Mancini, which is ridiculous, no Rafa Benitez, which is absurd and no Paul Scholes, Jamie Carragher and Michael Owen, three men who will be missed.

So what can we say about 2012/13? Well, the title was won by a very determined and focussed Manchester United, their football wasn’t always up to their highest standards and some of their defending was appalling, but, their will to win and their confidence in themselves was undiminished and that was what got them through. Last year’s champions, Man City were a disappointment, though coming runners-up is no mean feat, you got the feeling that their team failed to kick on, where United were focussed, City were vague and directionless, both on the pitch, with a few players not really reaching their best form, and off it, where some of the signings were weird.

Chelsea and Arsenal grabbed the other two remaining Champions League spots – but, both teams suffered with inconsistency and confusion during the course of the season – Arsenal, who finished like a train, still lack the steel that is needed to beat the likes of Swansea or Wigan on a Tuesday night in January; whilst Chelsea, seem to have a lot of flair players and a lot of old-lags who want to have their say, on reflection, Benitez performed admirably in getting them into the top three and winning the Europa League. I have a feeling that both will have learnt from this seasons troubles and will come back stronger – Mourinho, if, as expected, he returns to Chelsea will be inheriting a fantastic squad, whilst Arsenal are surely now, close to making the step up from tippy-tappy fancy dans to title contenders.

There will also be changes at Everton, for whom David Moyes, once again this season squeezed every millilitre of skill and effort from his players to finish sixth – it was a tremendous season for a great club with a great manager. People talk about Fergurson’s shoes being difficult to fill, but, personally, I think the greater challenge will be for whoever takes over at Goodison.

Across Stanley Park, Liverpool improved, sort of. Eight up to seventh may not seem like a massive leap forward, but, Brendan Rogers has got them playing some great football and, just as importantly, he has brought on players who seem to really want to play for him. In Coutinho and Sturridge, he has bought well. I expect great things from Liverpool, but, then again, I always do.

UnknownTottenham should also look forward to next season, especially if they can hang on to the phenomenon that is Gareth Bale. Anders Villas Boas will have enjoyed this season after his time in the asylum that is Chelsea and was desperately unlucky not to qualify for the Champions League. I think he will prove to be a very good manager for them.

Of the rest, WBA, defied the odds (well, my odds, I predicted that they would go down), and played some very effective football. Swansea continued to pass the ball and, if they can keep Michu, Hernandez and Ashley Williams, and perhaps more important their manager Michael Laudrup, they should enjoy another decent term next year. Southampton too, can be pleased with the progress they made this season, they scored lots of goals and tried to play football, though they did sack their manager with unnecessary haste, which is a shame. And, West Ham, consolidated nicely and will want to secure some kind of deal for Andy Carroll, who I believe could shine in the right team.

Everyone else seemed to be involved in a relegation scare at some point in the season. Newcastle were desperately disappointing and may rue buying quite so many French players with no Premier League Experience; Sunderland were woeful at the beginning of the season leading to the sacking of the very gallant Martin O’Neil; Stoke at times didn’t know whether to kick the ball or the opposition; and Fulham were, well, Fulham were Fulham; whilst Aston Villa did well to stay up considering the youngsters who Paul Lambert was relying upon, I hope that this experience will help mould them into a good team.

The three relegated clubs can be summed up thus – Reading, no surprise, they did their best, but simply weren’t good enough; Wigan, desperately unlucky with injuries and loss of form in crucial games, but can take solace from their FA Cup triumph; and QPR, well, just about everyone at QPR should hang their heads in shame – no heart, no passion, no clue.

My player of the season – well, for me it has to be Gareth Bale.

My moment of the season – two of them one good, one bad: the bad was Louis Suarez moment of swivel eyed lunacy in trying to bite Ivanovic (if he wanted to hurt him, bloody punch him!), the second was Ben Watson’s goal to win the FA Cup for Wigan, that’s what the glory of sport is all about.

My goal of the season – Louis Suarez against Chelsea, the control, the turn, the finish, genius.

Finally, I’ve looked at the predictions I made at the beginning of this season – oh dear, woeful, amazingly, I didn’t correctly predict one finish. I mean in a league of 20, it is some feat to not even flukily predict a correct final placing, but, no, not one. As you can see, I predicted a great season for Newcastle and relegation for WBA, got that wrong. Once again, I realise I know nothing.

Final League Table (my prediction in brackets)

1. Manchester United (3)
2. Manchester City (1)
3. Chelsea (2)
4. Arsenal (6)
5. Spurs (7)
6. Everton (9)
7. Liverpool (5)
8. WBA (18)
9. Swansea City (17)
10. West Ham (11)
11. Norwich (19)
12. Fulham (13)
13. Stoke (12)
14. Southampton (15)
15. Aston Villa (8)
16. Newcastle (4)
17. Sunderland (10)
18. Wigan (16)
19. Reading (20)
21. QPR (14)

Enjoy the break.

*’Doings’ a word used by Bob Paisley, who legend has it was not the most articulate, when he couldn’t think of the right word/proper noun – e.g. ‘Jimmy, Tommy, I want you to put pressure on the Borussia Munchendoings Doings, Ok.’

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The Album Collection #9: 1995, Elastica, Elastica

May 20, 2013

1995, was the worst year of my life. For about 9 miserable, bored, unhappy months of it, I worked for the Civil Service Trade Union, watching agog as the safe soft left leadership and the mad Marxist left kicked chunks out of another, to the detriment of their members. For the rest of the time, [...]

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#694: 2011, James Blake, A Case Of You

May 20, 2013

James Blake – A Case Of You from onjamesblake.tumblr.com on Vimeo. This one is for no other reason than I seem to have played this a lot recently. It’s taken from the Enough Thunder EP, bought mainly because of my interest in the joint James Blake-Bon Iver track Fall Creek Boys Choir (‘two bed-wetters in [...]

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Could Wrestling be the saviour of the Tory Party?

May 20, 2013

Funny enough, as Charlie East-West was considering sorting out the question of Europe by bringing back It’s A Knockout, I was considering the continued travails of the Tories and came up with a not dissimilar solution – but, rather than giant penguin suits and jokers, I’m suggesting wrestling. Yes, the Tories could sort out their [...]

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Gay Marriage: Labour and the Loughton Amendment

May 20, 2013

As David Cameron’s position in the Conservative Party seems to weaken by the hour and with the swivel-eyed loons increasingly in the ascendancy, the Labour Party are today in a position to deliver a further kicking to the Prime Minister, which might even prove to be fatal.    The opportunity comes with the amendment to the [...]

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Week 20: Villain – Nigel Farage

May 20, 2013

This Week’s Villain of the Week is UKIP leader Nigel Farage who showed his true colours following his somewhat less than successful visit to Scotland A couple of months back Charlie East-West wrote a piece about how Nigel Farage was the kind of politician who, whatever  you think about his political views, you might be [...]

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How to solve the EU crisis – bring back Jeux Sans Frontières

May 20, 2013

Remember the classic TV game show, Jeux Sans Frontières (Games Without Frontiers)? It was the European version of It’s a Knockout where towns could represent their country and play against other European teams. It was hosted by Stuart Hall (whatever happened to him?). In its original conception, it was broadcast from 1965 to 1999 by [...]

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Week 20: Hero – Angelina Jolie

May 19, 2013

This week we are awarding our Hero accolade to actress Angelina Jolie On Tuesday, Hollywood megastar and the woman Vanity Fair dubbed ‘the most beautiful woman in the world‘ wrote a sober yet deeply moving article for the New York Times, entitled “My Medical Choice“.  In it she calmly set out why she took the [...]

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Week 20: Prat – John Terry

May 19, 2013

This week’s Prat of the Week award goes to Chelsea captain John Terry. As Chelsea once again showed what money can buy in winning the Europa League, the story of their achievement was somewhat overshadowed by the maladroit behaviour of their captain John Terry. John Terry is never far from controversy – even when he [...]

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#693: 1982, Soft Cell, Torch

May 17, 2013

I do like a song where the artists have clearly gone, I know, let’s do something slightly off the wall, and Torch by Soft Cell is such a song. Soft Cell, in 1982 were a massive synth band bashing out dancey pop, with excellent re-workings of Motown classics or wonderful depictions of the seedy disco [...]

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The Allthatsleft Book Club #5: Caroline Smailes, The Drowing of Arthur Braxton

May 17, 2013

If you baldly list the themes in this book: child abuse, rape, infanticide, infidelity, bullying, mental illness, despair, even the incessant rain – it would be easy to think that The Drowning of Arthur Braxton is a bleak novel, but it isn’t: Caroline Smailes shakes these themes through the kaleidoscope of a teenage mind and [...]

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Nigel Farage – It takes one to know one

May 17, 2013

Nigel Farage has described protesters who besieged him in an Edinburgh pub as “fascist scum“. It takes one to know one. Nigel Farage found out the hard way yesterday that claiming to be the “heir to Thatcher” does not cut the mustard in Scotland. He was given an appropriate welcome.

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Philip Hammond Goes Native

May 17, 2013

Philip Hammond had always struck me as the Tory version of Alistair Darling. A safe pair of hands. A man who could be trusted. A slightly dull, but sensible politician. He appeared to be the acceptable face of the Tory party. Appearances can be deceptive – because, Philip Hammond has gone native. First of all, [...]

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Towards an Allthatsleft Manifesto #3: Corporate and High Net Worth Individual Tax Avoidance

May 16, 2013

Regular readers may remember that a couple of months back we said that we would individually be posting some pieces on policy ideas for the 2015 election.   We haven’t forgotten about it.     These were not intended to be a collective manifesto for this Blog – we have always prided ourselves in the broad diversity of views [...]

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MAN

May 16, 2013

The animated short film called MAN was created by London-based illustrator, Steve Cutts. It is a dark, disturbing, and comic look at how humans are destroying the planet through waste, greed and over consumption. It shows how MAN has created huge amounts of suffering, destruction and violence. At the end of the animation MAN is [...]

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Oil Prices – The Next Libor?

May 16, 2013

So it appears that that the London offices of BP and Shell have been raided by European regulators investigating allegations they have “colluded” to rig oil prices for more than a decade. Shock, horror – another potential exposure of corporate malpractice. The European commission said its officers carried out “unannounced inspections” at several oil companies [...]

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#692: 2013, John Grant, I Hate This Town

May 15, 2013

I make no apologies for this post of a second song from John Grant’s new album, Pale Green Ghosts.  We’ve been big supporters of John Grant on Allthatsleft since his first solo album The Queen of Denmark in 2010 (the album which was my album of that year). Tonight saw Grant play the London gig [...]

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Sportsnight #8: 2000, Sydney Olympics, Sir Steven Redgrave Wins Fifth Gold Medal

May 15, 2013

Good evening and welcome to Sportsnight, for tonight’s action we go to Sydney and the final of the Men’s Coxless Fours as Steven Redgrave goes for an unprecedented fifth gold medal. I love Sir Steven Redgrave. In fact I think that if ever the nation got itself into a spot of bother, all Britain would [...]

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Top of the Pops Special: Songs To Learn and Sing Readers’ Top 50

May 15, 2013

Today is our 30 month anniversary – yep it is an extraordinary 2 and a half years today since Allthatsleft launched.    That can only mean one thing, our 6 monthly Songs To Learn and Sing Readers’ Chart.  These are the 50 most popular songs we have posted judged by the number of hits the post [...]

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Private Eye Front Cover

May 15, 2013
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Are The Tories Now Ungovernable?

May 15, 2013

I almost feel sorry for David Cameron, the party he leads is currently behaving a bit like one of those horses who has unseated his rider at the Grand National and is ploughing on at break neck speed, whilst the punters watch not knowing if its going to pull-up, jump the next fence, crash or [...]

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The Continued Adventures of Theresa May

May 15, 2013

Scene 1: Act 1: A Grand Office inside the Home Office, Home Secretary, Theresa May sits behind a magnificant desk, in front of her, are two nervous looking minions. May: Right people, I’ve got a big speech to deliver to the Police Federation, what have you got for me. Minion 1: Well, there’s the new [...]

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The Lost Art of Manliness

May 15, 2013

Diane Abbott in a speech to Demos tomorrow, will highlight that Britain is facing a “crisis of masculinity“, and that “this generation no longer asks itself what it means to be a man.” – she will focus on the rapid economic change warping male identity and encouraging machismo and misogyny. Abbott will argue that boys [...]

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#691: 1981, ESG, You’re No Good

May 14, 2013

ESG (Emerald, Sapphire and Gold) emerged from the South Bronx, New York, in the early 1980s. ESG consisted of the Scroggins sisters and occasionally some co-collaborators. They were one the most dynamic bands to come out of New York in the early 1980s. Yet, so many people have never even heard of them. ESG have [...]

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Mr East Goes To The Movies: The Spirit of 45

May 14, 2013

Ken Loach’s documentary on the extraordinary achievements of the UK’s finest ever government, the Attlee administration, could hardly have been released at a more appropriate time, coinciding as it did with the coming into force in April of this year of the Health and Social Care Act 2012, which paves the way for the full scale privitisation [...]

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Cameron has no Eurovision – It’s just another Tory Euroshambles

May 14, 2013

It is the Eurovision Song Contest on Saturday. It is the annual shindig of some of the worst pop music you will ever hear in your lifetime. Our continental cousins take the Eurovision rather seriously, unlike old Blighty who (quite rightly) see it for what it is – an anti-music festival of kitsch, and a [...]

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#690: 2013, Chris Hadfield, Space Oddity

May 13, 2013

An email today from my good friend and colleague, George East. “Jackie, you’ve fucked up – where’s your song? Sort it pronto, you c*** or I’ll bite your bollocks off and sent them to you in the post!” OK, I’ve clearly got George riled – not sure why he’s borrowing phrases from Iain Duncan Smith [...]

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Michael Gove and BrExit: What On Earth Is He Playing At?

May 13, 2013

Michael Gove is one of the most swivel-eyed idealogues in the government.    There has always been the whiff of fascism about him.  As the FT revealed some time ago he is happy to ride roughshod over constitutional niceities by using private email addresses instead of official government addresses for government business; as The Observer reported [...]

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The Album Collection #8: 2013, Steve Mason, Monkey Minds In The Devil’s Time

May 13, 2013

It must be something to do with Charlie East-West joining the blog, but I find myself again reviewing a cracking new album by a Scottish artist.   As with Edwyn Collins, Steve Mason, has been around for a while  – probably being best known for his work with folktronica cultists, The Beta Band.  To be fair, [...]

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